HIStory In the Making, Part 2

In my last post, I began sharing how the decision to join Fire and Fragrance in full-time missions came to be. 

This post is the second part of a two-part post. To read the first part, go here.

It was Monday, July 2, 2012. I was waiting for a friend at a local Starbucks, when I received the phone call that gave me no other option. My phone was ringing and I looked at who was calling: Brian Barcelona. My stomach dropped.Somehow I just knew he knew what I had not yet told him.

"Hello?"
"Hey, Cheryl, how's it goin'?"
"Good.."
Silence.
"What have you been up to?"
"Not a whole lot.. Church.."
"How is church?"
Small talk.
More small talk.
"So, I hear you are thinking about going to the east coast for Fire and Fragrance?"
"Uh, yeah sort of. I'm praying about it.. I don't really want to go.."
"You know, the thing I've learned being here with Lou [Engle]and seeing his team is that they run together, but they have seasons where they separate and run apart. It's not a bad thing. They always come back together again."
Silence.
"Let me pray with you on this if it's something the Lord wants you to do. I want to pray with you..."
He stopped speaking for a moment.
"I bless you! I bless you to go if it is something the Lord is calling you to. I bless you to go and be better than me!"
I started crying. Right there. In the large, comfy chair in the tiny, squished Starbucks.
"Brian, exactly two weeks ago I prayed that if it was something He wanted me to do, I would get your blessing."
"Then now you know what you need to do."

It was decided. I really was going to Harrisburg.

And then the accident happened.
July 29, 2012. I was about to leave Bakersfield with my car full of kids to head back to the good ole Grove. The plan: get gas, get food, get home. The reality: we didn't make it to the gas station before we were in a car collision. My car was totalled, completely smashed in the front and quite a bit in the back. I was knocked unconscious and don't even remember the cars colliding. I didn't fully come to consciousness until the hospital. The little memory I do have was listening to my friends pray in their own heavenly languages while I was possibly on a stretcher or even still in the car and joy filled my heart. My heart rejoices in the prayer and worship of the Lord's people, regardless of circumstance. Everyone else in my car walked out of the accident with a few bruises and soreness at most, but I tell you with the damage done to my car, I should have been in the hospital for a few days, not a few hours. (Literally. The accident was between 9-10am, and I was released from the hospital just after noon.)
I am still struggling to understand the nature of the accident. Four different witnesses tell two different stories. A battle that is still being fought. False accusations. The works. In all of this mess, the only thing I find that I can do is hold on to the words God has spoken about this. When every single thing I see happening is contradicting the word God has given me, I have nothing to do but hold on. Even just yesterday, I was praying and I said, "God, where are You in all of this?? I know You are here, but I am struggling to see You! You have said all of these things and none of them are coming to pass yet.... Why?" I say this, not as an angry person, but as one who longs for understanding. One who longs to understand just a little bit more to be able to keep fighting the fight necessary to carry on. Whatever that is. While I have yet to understand, I must cling to the hope and trust in Him that much more. It means there is that much more of my life that I am not in control of. But He is. It is so good too...because I see very little of the entire picture. Yet to have someone so sovereign, so true care so much about the very things that I deal with...even down to, "God, how do I get to church this week?" It is so lovely. The knowledge that He sees much more of the picture than I ever will or ever can comprehend... Fills me with that peace Paul wrote about.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

That is the peace goes beyond your comprehension. The peace that fills you, that allows you to trust God, even if He never told you why. Even if He never told you why that person's life was lost, why are those relationships ending, why that person walked out...Even if He never told you why you were in what you were in, it makes it that much more essential and so beautiful to trust Him.

I have digressed... Since then, it has become a crazy roller coaster of one thing after another, finally arriving here to this moment where I still have yet to begin packing. Oh, well...

The countdown is less than a week. Am I nervous? A little... The unknown is always a little nerve-wracking. I am definitely diving into the unknown...sacrificing the next 5-6 months of my life, placing everything on hold to just chase after God and love His people. For a little while... completely abandoning everything. (*Christianese Terminology*). Am I afraid? Only if I dwell on fearful thoughts. The one thing I do know is that whatever happens, God is a good God. God is a GREAT God. A God who is caring, loving, nurturing. A God who is holy, righteous, and just. A God who does not abandon, does not limit, does not lie, and never fails. He is good. So I must trust in His goodness always for from His throne flows the river of Life.

Whatever may come of this, He will see that it is good.

Xoxo,
Cheryl