Community Swirl

Today is my fourth day in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. And I love it. Not so much Harrisburg itself. It looks quite a bit like Salinas with a lot of dark green plants and all the buildings are brick or old wood. Maybe I just haven't seen enough of the city yet..

Our house is beautiful. They call it the 333 House. Apparently there is a super legit story behind it, that I will get to hear about in one of the classes this coming week. Anyway, it is about 3 stories high. There are two kitchens with 3 sinks. Two fridges and a mini fridge with milk and creamer for coffee. We have a little dining area with probably 10 square tables...4 seats to a table. This house is over 100 years old. It was previously owned by another missions group, and I guess, before then it was owned by some guy who had slaves quarters to have lots of children, but wound up infertile...Something like that. Anyway, there are 17 bedrooms and 13 bathrooms. The second floor has all the girls, with 4-6 people per room. We also have a room for a  married couple who have joined us. :) We all live together, girls, guys, and staff. It's wonderful. We eat together, cook together, clean together, pray together. We encourage each other. Lift up each other. Already it feels like home...without my family, friends, or puppies ( :-P ). But there is something so lovely about in constant community with people like me. People who just want to love Jesus. That is the best.

Our daily routine is still forming, but Friday was so much fun! We had breakfast, went to the church for class, coffee break, more class, lunch, Target run, free time, dinner, and then we had the Fire and Fragrance Kick-Off service with Sean Feucht for worship. That was wonderful! Then Chad and Julie Dedmon from Bethel dropped some wisdom, prophetic words, and such...Then there were the healings. 

Remember that car accident I told you about? (If not, you can read about that here.) Well, since then I had been having neck pain and I had been taking muscle relaxers because my neck was so tight. On top of that, my heart was really hurt from the struggle of, "God, this whole thing sucks. I know You're here somewhere, but I honestly feel like I've been forgotten...even just a little bit." So I was struggling a lot with that. Anyway, so Chad is on the mic, and he says, "Is there someone here who has been in a car accident and has pain in their back or neck? But you were in a car accident. A car accident." I began to cry and, anyway, my neck feels perfectly fine! Thank you, Jesus :) 

One of the girls in our DTS (Discipleship Training School) had her leg grow out, which is always awesome -- having that happened to myself over a year and a half ago. A couple of our people also received arches, which is awesome too! God was just showing up like that :) He enjoys it. We enjoy it. We enjoy Him. He enjoys us. It's a circle. A wonderful, wonderful circle.

The church that has opened its doors to us, seems to be magnificent. Their base is extremely large. Their coffee shop is called Shabba Java. I like that. Their pastor is a super Holy Spirit man. He loves the Spirit. So do we. We love him. He loves us. We all love Jesus together. Awesome stuff.

We have the weekends off, and some of the crew went to America for Jesus yesterday in Philly. Today we went to church and the atmosphere was very Bethel-ish. I enjoyed it. Even the decor reminded me of Bethel. Not to mention they played Bethel Music/Bethel Live ("This Is What You Do" anyone??). Long story short, I now LOVE this church.

Oh! I wanted to tell you about my roommates. They are....what are the words....God definitely knew He was doing something by putting us together. We are all still adjusting, but already we are so close. We hang out. We talk. We laugh. We shop together on the Target runs. We share. We pray together and for each other. 

My mind is stuck in wrapping itself around the type of community I have just joined. Like I'm a sponge that has absorbed so much, but I am still processing. Totally okay. It's happened before. And when I start to grasp the concept of it all....its wonderful. That is all I can say. I think I need to find new adjectives.

ITS ALL CRAZY SWIRL.

That's really the only way to describe it. Crazy swirl. Not that many, if any, of you know what swirl means. I can't even define it. I just know....it's one of those things.

Anyway...well, I am super excited to see what God is going to birth out of this because I honestly have no idea. But I think that is okay because it leaves me open to however He wants to do what He wants to do. It keeps me from getting an idea in my head of the way I want Him to do whatever, and allows me to open to whatever He would like. I like that thought.

Even though it feels like I have been here a million years already, I love it. So many people from all over the U.S. (We only have one foreigner and she is from Australia!) coming together. Good stuff, man.

Okay guys well...now that I've shared a little bit... I love you all! Let Jesus love you in special ways today or night!

Xoxo,

Cheryl

I'm Following...

"I'll leave my father's house and I'll leave my mother. I'll leave all I have known and I'll have no other."

That is the song I sing under my breath here in the Seattle-Tacoma airport. Can I just say that this airport so closely resembles a shopping mall that I might just buy a plane ticket to spend money on over-priced merchandise because it looks that cool? A little much? Maybe. Oh well. ;-)

Well, saying my goodbyes to everyone was definitely interesting. My wonderful Elk Grove family threw me a surprise goodbye/early birthday party (which was a real surprise in itself, considering they had all kept it from me for at least 2 weeks and secrets aren't well kept. haha). It was a wonderful thing celebrating such a milestone in my life that has still yet to be known amongst us all..

This past weekend I spent in Manteca for the Glory Fall conference at Place of Refuge... (If you haven't gone, you need to..next September!). It was such a lovely close to be with people who have walked with me from the beginning as well as those who crossed my path along the way. Our last Cov Time until my return :)

I cannot tell you how encouraging, lovely, and absolutely stunning it was to have my Family praying for me. So many of them covered me in prayer as their goodbyes-for-now were said. How heart-warming it is to walk up to one to give a hug and they just start declaring blessings, guidance, and direction over you...anointing you...your hands and feet...wonderful. Indescribable.

And then of course, saying goodbye to my bestest friend of all was the weirdest. We had been in this state of pretending I wasn't really leaving. We hugged one of those long, emotional hugs, forgetting that we would see each other on my last day again. I am lightweight proud to say I did make her cry. ;-) I win. I always cry.

I think my mother was the hardest to say goodbye to. She has been so supportive of me in so many ways; it is very hard to leave her.


And while all of these were hard for me, I can't help but feel a freedom in leaving everything behind. Like this next season is one of me and Jesus and us alone. One might call it "a delayed honeymoon" hahahahahaha. I make myself smile.

I visited an old teacher today. He is not a lover of the Lord, and yet when I told him what I am going to do, he was a supportive as any pastor would have been. He said to me, "You always seemed like you would be going to college just to bite away at the bit. Like it was something that just weighed you down."
I reflected on what he said for a moment. Something that just weighed me down. This was very true. My spiritual mother made a very similar statement last week at breakfast. She said, "Your mom has gone. Your sister has gone. It is only you. You have nothing keeping you here anymore." How true that statement was. The only thing keeping me from being free was myself. My mindset. I found myself stuck in the mindset of, "I can't be the one to do it." Whatever "it" is. I am slowly beginning to realize I can. I can be the one to do it. I can be the one to be free. I can be the one who is so lost in Jesus that my only desire would be to reflect Him and radiate the glory of His goodness.

That reminds me of something I wanted to share when on the plane.
These last 2 days I have been absolutely obsessed with "Sovereign" by David Vallier and Amber Brooks. Absolutely obsessed. I sang it the entire plane ride. Actually, I only sang part of it.

You are sovereign, Lord, and I bless You. You are perfect in nature.

Would you reflect on that with me for a moment? "You are sovereign, Lord, and I bless You. You are perfect in nature." It had me thinking....in times like these when things seem impossible, scary, confusing, sometimes we need to just declare the goodness of God and worship Him. You often hear pastors state that as well. But why would we do that? Why would we declare the goodness of God in hard times? He knows He is good. He hasn't forgotten that. In fact, when He looks at us, He sees Him and He remembers He is good and enjoys it. Same thing in all other creations. He is confident and secure in His goodness. So why would He need us to tell Him?

This is my thought: sometimes our declarations are not about reminding Him, but reminding ourselves. I know sometimes I forget that the nature of God is goodness and love. I forget He is kind. Often when things go wrong I think, "WHAT THE HECK, GOD???" But then I stop myself. God is good. He is perfect. So if He is perfect, everything in His will is perfect. Just because perfect by human definition is perfect by divine definition, does not make it less perfect. His perfect is different than ours.

I feel that is something we often forget. And if we do remember, it is mechanical.

How about in your next chaotic moment, you stop for a minute and say out loud, "God is good. He truly loves me. He sees more than I do and He is taking care of it. I will praise in name in every circumstance and worship Him all my days." Take that minute to really reflect on the goodness of the character and nature of God. I promise it will turn your day around and put things in perspective.

And with that, I shall leave you, as I prepare to board Part 2 of my three-part plane journey...

Pleasant dreams, my loves! Let Jesus lavish you with Love as you sleep!

Xoxo,

Cheryl

"I will praise the Lord as long I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being."

Psalm 146:2

HIStory In the Making, Part 2

In my last post, I began sharing how the decision to join Fire and Fragrance in full-time missions came to be. 

This post is the second part of a two-part post. To read the first part, go here.

It was Monday, July 2, 2012. I was waiting for a friend at a local Starbucks, when I received the phone call that gave me no other option. My phone was ringing and I looked at who was calling: Brian Barcelona. My stomach dropped.Somehow I just knew he knew what I had not yet told him.

"Hello?"
"Hey, Cheryl, how's it goin'?"
"Good.."
Silence.
"What have you been up to?"
"Not a whole lot.. Church.."
"How is church?"
Small talk.
More small talk.
"So, I hear you are thinking about going to the east coast for Fire and Fragrance?"
"Uh, yeah sort of. I'm praying about it.. I don't really want to go.."
"You know, the thing I've learned being here with Lou [Engle]and seeing his team is that they run together, but they have seasons where they separate and run apart. It's not a bad thing. They always come back together again."
Silence.
"Let me pray with you on this if it's something the Lord wants you to do. I want to pray with you..."
He stopped speaking for a moment.
"I bless you! I bless you to go if it is something the Lord is calling you to. I bless you to go and be better than me!"
I started crying. Right there. In the large, comfy chair in the tiny, squished Starbucks.
"Brian, exactly two weeks ago I prayed that if it was something He wanted me to do, I would get your blessing."
"Then now you know what you need to do."

It was decided. I really was going to Harrisburg.

And then the accident happened.
July 29, 2012. I was about to leave Bakersfield with my car full of kids to head back to the good ole Grove. The plan: get gas, get food, get home. The reality: we didn't make it to the gas station before we were in a car collision. My car was totalled, completely smashed in the front and quite a bit in the back. I was knocked unconscious and don't even remember the cars colliding. I didn't fully come to consciousness until the hospital. The little memory I do have was listening to my friends pray in their own heavenly languages while I was possibly on a stretcher or even still in the car and joy filled my heart. My heart rejoices in the prayer and worship of the Lord's people, regardless of circumstance. Everyone else in my car walked out of the accident with a few bruises and soreness at most, but I tell you with the damage done to my car, I should have been in the hospital for a few days, not a few hours. (Literally. The accident was between 9-10am, and I was released from the hospital just after noon.)
I am still struggling to understand the nature of the accident. Four different witnesses tell two different stories. A battle that is still being fought. False accusations. The works. In all of this mess, the only thing I find that I can do is hold on to the words God has spoken about this. When every single thing I see happening is contradicting the word God has given me, I have nothing to do but hold on. Even just yesterday, I was praying and I said, "God, where are You in all of this?? I know You are here, but I am struggling to see You! You have said all of these things and none of them are coming to pass yet.... Why?" I say this, not as an angry person, but as one who longs for understanding. One who longs to understand just a little bit more to be able to keep fighting the fight necessary to carry on. Whatever that is. While I have yet to understand, I must cling to the hope and trust in Him that much more. It means there is that much more of my life that I am not in control of. But He is. It is so good too...because I see very little of the entire picture. Yet to have someone so sovereign, so true care so much about the very things that I deal with...even down to, "God, how do I get to church this week?" It is so lovely. The knowledge that He sees much more of the picture than I ever will or ever can comprehend... Fills me with that peace Paul wrote about.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

That is the peace goes beyond your comprehension. The peace that fills you, that allows you to trust God, even if He never told you why. Even if He never told you why that person's life was lost, why are those relationships ending, why that person walked out...Even if He never told you why you were in what you were in, it makes it that much more essential and so beautiful to trust Him.

I have digressed... Since then, it has become a crazy roller coaster of one thing after another, finally arriving here to this moment where I still have yet to begin packing. Oh, well...

The countdown is less than a week. Am I nervous? A little... The unknown is always a little nerve-wracking. I am definitely diving into the unknown...sacrificing the next 5-6 months of my life, placing everything on hold to just chase after God and love His people. For a little while... completely abandoning everything. (*Christianese Terminology*). Am I afraid? Only if I dwell on fearful thoughts. The one thing I do know is that whatever happens, God is a good God. God is a GREAT God. A God who is caring, loving, nurturing. A God who is holy, righteous, and just. A God who does not abandon, does not limit, does not lie, and never fails. He is good. So I must trust in His goodness always for from His throne flows the river of Life.

Whatever may come of this, He will see that it is good.

Xoxo,
Cheryl

HIStory In the Making, Part 1

I feel as though it would only be proper to begin this blog with the story behind it... Not many people understand why one would choose to become a full-time missionary (unless maybe you're Mormon). Quite frankly, I never even imagined I would be a missionary like this either.
Traveling + Telling People About Jesus = Cool. But actually doing that for a living? A dream.
Even now I am still struggling to grasp the reality that I am leaving. I haven't even begun packing, although that should change in the next 24 hours...we'll see ;-)

In all the chaos of this summer, let me share with you a bit of how this all came to be.


It all started one extremely hot Saturday in June. I was at a graduation party with a portion of my One Voice family, and we were talking and visiting. My friend C. had just returned from Fire and Fragrance about 2 weeks prior and I had made the comment that I would love to do Fire and Fragrance, Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, or even International House of Prayer University!

Then C. asked the question. 

"Why not?"

That question stuck with me. 

Why wouldn't I go to one of those schools instead of the local Bible college? 

What was holding me back?

I spent the rest of the weekend pondering that question.
The truth: I was afraid.
I was afraid of being the person who could step out of the "normal," American, college-aged kid lifestyle (as if the life I was living was already normal!) and do something completely different. I was afraid to be the one who would pretty much abandon the little routine I had established at my home, leave the family I had made through One Voice, leave my home church, and even leave my mom to really break out and find out what God had for me.

Sunday night I ended up at my mother's house and I decided to propose the idea to her.
I said, "Hey, Mom? What would you do if maybe I didn't go to an accredited college? What if I went to, like, YWAM, or Bethel, or something?"
Her reply was equivalent to what-else-on-earth-would-you-do-?.
"Well, what if I went to YWAM, or Bethel, or something. Or IHOP-U?" I repeated.
"I would say we should look more into it, but I just want you to make the best decision to get you to where you want to be."
Monday night she texted me again, even more encouraging.
"How would you decide where to go?"
"Praying." That was the answer. The only answer.

That Monday I began praying, "God, I don't want to leave. I really don't want to leave One Voice. But if You want me to go, I will. But You need to make it EXTREMELY obvious where You want me to go, because I am not going to leave without knowing 100% You want me to."
I prayed until my fear of the possibility of leaving left, and then I said, "God, I don't want to leave One Voice! I really, really don't want to. If You really want me to go, I want Brian's blessing, but I don't want to tell him I am praying about leaving until I have a decision." A split second later, I changed my mind. "You know what? Forget it. You just tell me where to go and I will figure out how to tell Brian from there." Not wanting everyone to know the decision I was praying on, I told very few people. Probably five at most, including my mother.

That same Wednesday, I unexpectedly ran into C. again. (Seeing as he doesn't live in Elk Grove, it was pretty surprising.) I told him how my mom approved of YWAM or BSSM (IHOP-U had been ruled out, due to distance). C. was so excited, telling me wonderful things about F&F Harrisburg.
"If you went to YWAM, would you go to Kona or Harrisburg?"
"I'm really not sure.. I'm sort of feeling like Kona, I'm still praying on it."
"Well, keep praying on it!" C. said. "Let me know when you get the word, and I can call my friends over there and tell them your coming. You would like Harrisburg more. It's more community. Kona is more campus."
That night I went home, and I said, "God, I don't want to go to Harrisburg. If I go to YWAM, I want to go to Kona.... You're gonna send me to Harrisburg because that is the one place I don't want to be, aren't You?"

Filled with an anticipation to know and restlessness in my Spirit, I spent nearly every spare moment I had praying, many times just repeating myself. God, I don't know what else to say about this! This might be stupid to say, but I will go where You want... I will go where You want...

About five days later, I remember I was praying again silently in the shower, and out of nowhere I shouted, "I'M GOING TO HARRISBURG!" Then I stopped myself. Did I just say I was going to Harrisburg? That was weird...Oh, gosh... He's really going to send me there... It's not like it's Kona. Kona is beautiful... Harrisburg? I'm pretty positive Harrisburg isn't even cute. Ugh...okay...so how am I gonna tell Brian? He's not even in Elk Grove, and he probably won't be back until the end of summer... I spent the next week leaving it open for God to change His mind from Harrisburg to Kona. Part of me hoped that maybe I had misheard. At least, if I went to BSSM, I could be with my family in Redding. Redding was just a few hours away from home, and Kona? Kona would be beautiful, which would make up for the geographical distance. I knew I had heard right. I told God, "I will go where You want." Now I have to go...

read part 2 here